i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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