I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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