I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
