i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
