I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
