He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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