im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
