I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've blown a few things in my day
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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