i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
