he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
