My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
