I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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