cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
