I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
