it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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