Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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