Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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