dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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