I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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