He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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