Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
