I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
