I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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