I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can't turn off my feet"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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