Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
