Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
