I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
