don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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