I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
