Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
