i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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