You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i think i have herpe
just one?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
