I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
