Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
