I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
