he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
