you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
