This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
