Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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