This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You're like the curious george of whores
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
