garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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