dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
