We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
