I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
