I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
