His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
