three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
