This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
