My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
