I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
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We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
why is half of my head shaved?
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