i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
