How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
