I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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