haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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