I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
