The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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