its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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