the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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