You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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