the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
