everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
