Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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