the condom got lost in my hair
Just cropdusted the office
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I just went to clothing optional bar
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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