this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
