Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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