im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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