I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize