You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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