you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
