If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
