I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
