So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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