thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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