Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
