you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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